Bolton's Brief Rule - she said what? to who???

Do I even need to explain myself on this one?  Yes, drama finds me.  No, I do not start it.  If it finds you like it does me, I recommend either having a really good spouse or a big bottle of booze. :)

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Bolton's Brief Rule #108 - ditch the douches

Listen, we all make mistakes, but I can't let a friend keep repeating theirs.  You shouldn't let your friends either.  You don't let 'em drive drunk.  You don't let 'em find a loser.

If you'd like to read more of my thoughts, check out my full-length blog at www.boltoncarley.wordpress.com

Bolton's Brief Rule #96 - better than that

Bolton's Brief Rule #95 - a man and his lawn

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Bolton's Brief Rule #90 on bribery

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Bolton Briefs Rule #84

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Bolton's Briefs

Welcome to the debut of Bolton's Briefs!

Gibbs has his rules to live by.  I have mine.  

Just some helpful tips to get you through life...

famiy reunion...or not...

Dear Bolton Carley,

I’ve got family drama. We are traveling cross country to see family. They always tell us that they will drive the few hours to meet us where we make plans to stay, but they ALWAYS back out. After we make our long trek there, we have to add yet another trip to go to them because they can't come to see us. If it were me, I gladly would hop in the car to see family who drove FOREVER to see me, but they just don't.  Any advice for how to deal with this without severing relationships?

Sincerely,
Fed up and pissed off

Dear Fed Up and Pissed Off,

Families:  can’t put up with ‘em, can’t chuck ‘em out the back window of the station wagon.  Sometimes dealing with family is the hardest chore of all.  The flip side to that is that they are family.  Those are the people you are supposed to love no matter what because they have the same genetic background you do (whether you always want to admit that, or not). 

Let me first say I’m impressed that you have a good attitude about family.  I appreciate that you’re concerned about not destroying the relationship with them.  All too often, people forget that family is family and although you might not always like them, you should love them.  (A personal mantra repeated often.)  That being said, it seems like you make an effort to see them, but they expect even more.  We expect that from bosses and needy ex-wives, but not family members.

The best thing you can do is to send an email or text as soon as you know the dates you will be in the area so they have plenty of time to plan.  I’d also send a reminder a month before.  Then, I’d tell them you’re looking forward to showing them around at some great places you found nearby.  Be sure to gush about being excited to see them (nothing like a side of guilt to get ‘em there).  If you get a last minute call from them saying they can’t join you, don’t make the effort to go to them.  At some point, you have to break the pattern. 

Remind them what you had planned to do with them and say simply that you can’t cancel those plans as you’d already told the kids, or made a reservation or something.  Apologize that it didn’t work out, how you hate that since you’ve driven clear across the country to see everybody, but that you completely understand and hope they can swing through next year because you will be sure to let them know the dates again.  No harm, no foul.  Just don’t forget to send the Christmas card!

Bottom line:  Sometimes it takes a denial by the bouncer at the door before people remember they want to be on the guest list. 

Sincerely,

bc

beyonce knows the answer!

Dear Bolton Carley,

I’ve been with this guy for over five years.  We live together, and he even talks about having kids together, but I still don’t have an engagement ring.  I’ve tried hinting.  I even made him stop to look at rings in the mall one day, but no such luck.  He keeps saying there’s no hurry, but I’m tired of waiting around.  If I don’t get married soon, there won’t be any decent guys left.

Sincerely,

The Girlfriend for Life

Dear Girlfriend for Life,

I’m sure it is difficult to be on somebody else’s time table.  I get cranky if the rest of the world is standing in line for a blizzard at DQ at the exact time I am, let alone if I had to sit around for a man to plant a ring on me.   However, I would say you have some options.

First of all, I think you should state your case one more time.  Let him know all the reasons you would both benefit from marriage.  Be sure to speak his language (like he would get to see your boobs every day for the rest of his life or you’d have cheaper insurance).  Make him want to get married, but only try this once.  Then sit back and wait a month or two.  Continuing to bring it up or hounding him about it will only prove he is smartest not to marry you because you will instantly become the nagging wife right after being his bridezilla.  Ain’t no guy looking for that!

If that doesn’t work, I’d have to bring up the fact that you are living with him and he’s kinda used to having all things you at his convenience so in his mind there’s no need to rock the boat. (The bed: yes. The boat:  no.)  So how do you handle that?  You make yourself scarce.  Does your company need you to go on a business trip?  Do you have some vacation time you could use to visit old friends or family or even go sit on a beach in Hawaii?  Do you have a friend who’s going to be out of town that you could house sit for?  Or if all that fails, just don’t be home much.  Get that raving social life going with trips to the gym, drinks with the girls, or sand volleyball league.  Just don’t be readily available. 

They weren’t kidding when they said distance makes the heart grow fonder (hence the reason why grandma always likes your cousins that she only sees once a year best even though you mow her yard for her).  I guarantee you’ll see more appreciation, unless you don’t…  And if you don’t, it ain’t gonna happen.   In which case, run, Girlfriend, run!  Get outta Dodge before it’s too late to find a new mate! 

Bottom line:  If he likes it then he shoulda put a ring on it and if he still doesn’t whisk you up, then it’s time to find some fresh meat.