dirty socks unite

Dear Bolton Carley,

My husband NEVER picks up his dirty socks!  I have asked him a million times to throw them in the laundry, and every time, I find them scattered randomly around the house.  It feels like all I do is pick up socks.  What should I do?

Help me!

Becky

Dear Becky,

We all completely understand the sock drop and feel your pain.  However, before I go any further, I have to ask if this is a case of the Grandfathered T-shirt Clause.* (see below for explanation)  Unfortunately, if this was a habit he came with and you knew about it prior to marrying him, I hate to tell you that now you have to live with it.  That’s not to say that you can’t try making your case anyway, it’s just that if you don’t fare well, you can’t divorce him over it. J 

Now, from what you’ve said, I assume that you’ve been picking up his nasty-ass, sweat-infested, polluted socks when he leaves them like an Easter egg hunt for you throughout the house.  This is Pavlov’s Dog principle all over again, my friend.  He chucks the socks behind the recliner and magically they end up washed, dried, and in his drawer again.  Of course, he’s going to leave them for you wherever he wants, and shame on you for not having a laundry basket in every room so it’s easier for him (jk).   (He’s suggested it, hasn’t he?)

Anyway, you can handle this however you want, but now that he has a routine, it will be even harder to break.  One of my favorite attacks is to go ahead and pick them up.  Then deposit them in his pillowcase.  It sends a message, but it’s only appropriate if you have a bantering relationship.  If you don’t, you could just pile them next to the washing machine but not actually wash them.  If he ends up going to buy new ones before washing his own, so be it.  It will still be an inconvenience and though he may not admit it, I bet things change in the long run. 

So here’s the bottom line:  if he did it from the get-go, you’re stuck with it.  If it was an acquired habit in which he started taking advantage of you, make him remember what it would be like without you…

Sincerely,

BC

*Grandfathered T-shirt Clause:  applies to any articles of clothing or bad habit he had when you met him, e.g.  his horrible high school football t-shirt you wore the first time you stayed over thinking it was cute and now despise because it’s the only thing he wears on the weekend.  Therefore, because it was there before you, it is grandfathered in.  You just have to put up with it.