Bolton's Brief Rule #99 - solution to everything

if you'd like to read more of thoughts, check out my full-length blog at www.boltoncarley.wordpress.com

Bolton's Brief Rule #98 - Make-up on a Pig

If you want to hear more of my "oh-so-philosophical" thoughts, check out my full-length blog at www.boltoncarley.wordpress.com

hey big spender

Dear Advice Goddess:

I was brought up to believe that it's vulgar to ask people what things cost, such as their houses, cars or jewelry. A friend of my husband is always asking things like, "so how much did you pay for that TV ( or coat, ring, pushmower)?" and it drives me crazy. Do you have a snappy comeback that will shut him up?

Thanks,

Mrs. Retail Shopper

Dear Mrs. Retail Shopper,

Don’t you sometimes wish you could just shove a copy of Miss Manners in front of friends and tell ‘em to read up?  I completely sympathize with your situation, but do keep in mind that it’s possible they just aren’t a very good conversationalist and think they’re showing interest.  Then again, if you know they’re just being a snoopy S.O.B., here’s what I’d do:

1.       Do the old wave-off with your hand and say, “Oh, honey, I can’t tell you what that cost.  You’d be jealous to know what a steal I got.” 

2.       Or you can plead clueless (although sooo not my style): “Oh, I don’t keep numbers running around in my head these days.  I’ve got better things to think about, but I’m sure you could check on the website if you really wanna know.”

3.       “Oh, that?  That cost about 50 minutes of arguing with the husband in front of the salesperson and half a liter of margaritas beforehand.” 

4.       “That right there?  That’s the price of happiness right there.”  (I figure if you keep saying that, they’ll figure it out.  Kinda like when you say “take off your muddy shoes before you come in” 500 times to your kids.  They get it whether they admit it or not.)

5.       Or my personal answer, “What’d it cost?  Didn’t pay any attention.  Just threw it on the credit card.  Uncle Clyde always said price only matters when you’re talking hookers or beer.”  I’m not really sure it makes a whole lotta sense, but I’ve learned ain’t nobody got a comeback for it.

Then again, there’s always the basic, blunt “My momma’d kick your ass for asking a question like that.  We don’t talk about money ‘round here.  She’d be rollin’ in her grave.”  Nothing like a guilt trip to shut ‘em up.

Bottom line:  If he’s really your friend, then chuck it in the annoying habits pile and get over it.  There are far worse ones he could have.  If he’s best left as the acquaintance type, make it crystal clear you aren’t telling him.  That’s the “cost” of your friendship.

friends don't let friends not take the job

Dear Bolton Carley,

I hate my job, but love the people I work with.  I have been at the company for 7 years.  My two best friends are women I met there and can’t stand the thought of leaving, but I got offered a job that pays more and gives me a creative outlet.  I’m afraid I won’t have any time to see my old friends and that they may not want to see me if I ditch them.  Plus, I won’t always be around to be in on the inside jokes.  Do I just stay where I’m at for my friends or do I take the new job?

Cassie

Dear Cassie,

It sounds like you’ve got the 7-year itch, and nobody likes to wear calamine lotion!  Yes, it’s a tough decision to make, but you can do it. Perhaps there’s no perfect answer, but I think it’s time to talk to your friends.  (I recommend over cheesecake or double fat chocolate lattes and brownies.) 

It sounds like you have a well-established friendship.  Tell them about the new job (just remember not to say how you hate moving the piles of shit around at your current job – the one they will still have).  Tell them how excited you are about being creative and doing something new.  No real friend is going to want to take that away from you.  They will back you whole-heartedly.  Sure, you might not know every little detail about their days anymore, but it doesn’t mean you won’t still be friends. 

Make an effort to set up a weekly date with them.  It could be after-work drinks or shopping at the mall, whatever you normally would do, but be sure to follow through.  Heck, it could just be a daily conference call at lunch!  Because even though you may not know every detail of their work, you do know the basics of their job so it will still be easy to understand their world and be interested.  Plus, just think what a happier friend they will get if you take and love the new job, or maybe you’ll have more money to take them to Cancun (or at least buy ‘em a Slim Jim’s wiener at the corner hot dog stand).

Bottom line:  You have to do what’s right for you.  Never let someone hold you back, but don’t leave those someones in the dust, either.